Miss Rachel

So I’ve been struggling with depression lately and felt really shitty earlier this week. Like, I was getting a little scared about how bad I felt, but I persevered and seem to be holding it together pretty well. I did feel like crying once at work today, but then I realized the work stuff I was getting agitated about was really no big deal. As I said, I’m holding it together.

Somehow in spite of the depression I have managed to keep working out. This morning workout regimen I decided to try out a few weeks ago has really caught on. All the good things I’ve heard about working out in the morning – it gives you energy, you get it over with, it kick starts your metabolism – were things I always believed, but the idea of waking up and working out right away just sounded awful to me. In fact, that still sounds awful to me, but waking up and doing my normal morning routine (coffee, blog reading, packing my lunch), and then going to work out is great.

Wednesday is the day I go running with a coworker friend. I was feeling rotten au gratin on Tuesday afternoon, but I IM-d her, and asked are we running tomorrow, and she said yes. Wednesday morning we met and I said I don’t want to do this, and she said, but we’re going to do this. And we did. And by the end of the run I was smiling. Wednesday is running day. Even Anthony Martignetti runs on Wednesday.

As I mentioned in previous posts, I’m planning on doing a 5K this summer after I’ve gotten some training done for it. But last week I ended up doing a 5K without training for it.  The gym at work was sponsoring a *fun* 1 mile walk and 5K run in honor of National Employee Health and Fitness Day.  A coworker asked me if I was going to do the 5K,  and I hadn’t thought about it too much, but decided why not.  The other three members of my (underwriting) team also decided to do it, and I got pretty pumped up about it even thought I really wasn’t trained for it.

The day of the race was beautiful – bright and sunny and 80-ish degrees. The temperature and sun didn’t bother me, but the running did.  After we started, everyone else in the race passed me, and I do mean everyone.  It didn’t take me long to realize that I was last.  As I continued trudging along, I realized that I was probably going to stay last.  I started feeling a bit nauseated, and then I developed a stitch in my side, but I kept going, albeit slowly. After a while some of the fast starters began to pass me as they headed back down the trail. There are some really competitive men at work and you could see they were all serious about the “fun run.”  However, I did appreciate how one of my coworkers, who is training for an Ironman (!) said, “good job Rachel!” when he passed me.  I thought that was nice of him.  It’s like, he could see I was working, and that this wasn’t easy for me.

Fortunately, I was able to turn off the trail to do the loop so I didn’t have to see everyone going by me as I was still heading out. Through the whole race, I tried to keep my friend V, who was wearing a yellow tank top, in my sites. A couple times I lost her, but for the most part, I was able to see her, even though she was far ahead of me.

The feeling of nausea and the stitch in my side went away, but the race seemed really long.  A couple times I thought of walking, but I was afraid if I walked I wouldn’t be able to start running again.  So I kept running, even though my pace had slowed so much I was almost walking.  There were a few a people around the course to direct and cheer the runners, but by the last mile me and V (who was far ahead of me) were the only two people still running. My friend S actually came out and ran with me when I got near the end to keep me going (what a sweetheart, huh?) and when I got to the finish line, I found that some of  my other friends and coworkers were waiting there for me. They didn’t have to do that but they did, and I told them how much I appreciated their support.

I finished in 43:01 (approximately; there were no chips) which is actually slower than the 5K I did in December, but I was also less ready for this one.  I honestly didn’t really feel bad about being last.  I was just so glad I was able to pull it off.  I emailed my brother about it, and he wrote back, “Glad to hear you did the 5K!  I really try to think of races as a personal accomplishment.  It’s all about ME.  Think of how many people didn’t even try.” Exactly.

This weekend there was a three-day-long reunion and centennial celebration at the school I graduated from in 1985. Since I had class on Saturday, I decided to attend the Friday festivities only. There was a performance of music, drama and dance, a cocktail party, dinner and of course, lots of talking and laughing with my friends.

I dressed in my favorite black dress and wore red lipstick, and I looked pretty darn fabulous if I do say so myself.

Highlights of the evening included talking to an art teacher who I took a fabric design class with my senior year. I told her how much I loved the class and that I still have some of the fabric I made. (I want to get one framed so I can put it on the wall.) I also had a nice chat with the art history teacher and told her how I learned so much in her class, and how it truly affected how I look at art. I also reminded her of the time me and a friend spilled the entire carousel of slides on the floor one night when we were up studying. We were so flustered, we didn’t try to put the slides back in, but we left a note apologizing and then took off.

Then there was my favorite English teacher. He was the king of inappropriate comments, and when I mentioned his being inappropriate, he dismissed me, saying “Please don’t say that. You mean naughty.” Here’s a classic remark, regarding the central vacuum system in the school: it’s a free abortion service!” Ha! He could never get away with that in a public school. The man makes me laugh.

Since it was my class’s twenty fifth reunion, a dinner reservation had been made for us and a shuttle bus provided, to a nearby restaurant. There were only 8 of us (plus one person’s spouse and a friend of mine from the class of 1984). The thing is I am only close to two of the people (one of them was my roommate senior year), but I was able to talk to everybody about real stuff. I have a very good memory and I shared with some of them about different things I remembered them saying and doing, stuff I certainly couldn’t have talked about back them. For instance, one night this girl tried on a prom dress that had been given to her by a friend from outside the school. I remember seeing her in it (in the dorm) thinking how gorgeous the dress was, and then she started saying how it was “awful” and tacky and that she certainly wasn’t going to wear it. I kept my mouth shut back then, but I was just blabbing up a storm Friday night (helped out by wine). Of course, she didn’t even remember the incident or the dress, but she seemed to find my retelling of the story funny.

I had three glasses of wine which is a LOT for me so after dinner, me and my two close friends went back to the house where one of them was staying and talked for an hour or so. I finally felt sober enough to drive and headed the 35 miles home, and got into a bed at 1:30. Very late night for me.

The best part of the of the event was definitely spending time with my roommate. We talked and laughed so much: about how she used to scare me by telling me stories about witches and stuff, and that the closet in the room next to ours was haunted. (!) About how she was really into food and turning out the light before going to bed one night, she said, “Mmm… scrambled eggs tomorrow morning!” (Already planning for breakfast!) About how she is the only person I know who ever complained that she had fat knees! About how this girl used to visit us in our room and sit on my bed and after she left, my bed would smell (eeewww!). About the time her mother found her pot pipe, and told her it was “a really cute gum dish.” (!) Although my time at the school was one of the unhappiest in my life (mostly due to academic and parental pressure), the friendships I have from that time are why I so value my time there and enjoy going back.

It’s also a beautiful place:

On Thursday Sweetie and I went to New York with a friend of ours to go to the opera among other things.  Sweetie and she planned this trip months ago so all I had to do was arrange for pet care (my mom did the honors) and pack a bag.  Our friend wanted to drive – !  Driving in New York sounds scary to me, but we said OK, if that’s what you want to do and she did a great job of it.  We even found a parking space not far from where we were staying.

Our friend goes to New York frequently, and we stayed (in adjoining rooms) in the hotel she always stays at (the people there knew her on sight) on the Upper West Side.  It’s a no frills kind of place with bumpy paint on the walls and somewhat cramped rooms, but the people who worked there were friendly, and it was clean and it was cheap by New York standards.  We also had a great view.

How you'd like to have this for a patio?

New York roof tops from our hotel room.

Once in the city, we walked everywhere.  That afternoon we went to Zabar’s – so fun, so New York!  Not a lot of vegan stuff there, but Sweetie and I did get some rye bread (it’s delicious) and dark chocolate.  For dinner we walked to Lincoln Center and had dinner at Rosa Mexicano.   We had guacamole (which they make right at your table), frozen pomegranate margaritas and vegetable enchiladas.  Loved this restaurant – delicious food, good, fast service and clean bathrooms.

After dinner it was on to the opera at the Met. This was only my second time to the opera. The first time was in high school and our seats were miles away.  This time we were on the balcony, but closer to the front, and our friend had opera glasses that she shared with us. We saw The Barber of Seville, a light, comedic opera.

Here’s a not very clear photo of me inside the Met.

Afterward we had long, cold walk back to our hotel. It was only about a mile and a half, but it seemed long because my ears were freezing.  I would have been OK if I had a hat or scarf, but silly me, I didn’t bring either.

The next morning our friend made coffee on a coffee maker she brought herself (remember the hotel was no frills).  She was so well prepared.  We has stopped at a 24-hour grocery store on the way back from the Met so I could get some vegan creamer.  Then we met her cousin for breakfast at a diner where the only vegan thing I could have was a bagel or toast with jelly or French fries so I had the fries.

Then it was back home to Connecticut.  We were gone all of about 24 hours, but what a 24 hours they were.  We definitely want to do this again some time.